So Easy
by Keleficent
Summary: Steven thinks the Crystal Gems would be better off with Rose Quartz than him.


_"If Rose were here, this would be so easy."_

Steven never forgot Amethyst's words the day the Red Eye attacked. Since then, he's wondered how many missions he barely survived that his mother would have breezed through. Now the Crystal Gems had to depend on him: a boy who barely had a hold on his powers.

Steven always harbored some guilt over his mother giving up her physical form for him, but he never realized how much the loss of his mother hurt the Crystal Gems. He never realized how lonely Amethyst was until she turned into Rose to taunt his father. He never realized Pearl was in love with his mother until he saw how betrayed she was when she learned Rose kept secrets from her. He never realized that Garnet owed her very existence to his mother and had been forced to take her role as leader.

They had to give her up, and what did they get in return? Him…useless, worthless Steven.

They didn't need him. They needed Rose Quartz. Like she told him, they can't both exist. Gems…real gems…can regenerate. When he's gone, she can come back.

Steven put a lot of thought into how he would end his life. He had to make sure he did it in a way that didn't hurt his mom. Gems didn't need to breathe, so he decided drowning was his best option.

Steven stood on the beach. The tide rose up to soak his feet. With one last look at his home, he formed a bubble around himself and rolled into the water.

As he rolled deeper into the ocean, he started to feel nervous. Does it hurt to die? Did it hurt when his mom did it? She gave her life for him, he could do the same for her. Maybe he won't even die. Maybe somehow he'll get to live inside her gem. Maybe he'll get to see everything she sees. Maybe he'll get to see how happy the Crystal Gems and his dad will be when they see his mother alive again.

He was deep in the ocean now. Even deeper than when he was trapped down here with Connie. Connie…she was probably the one person who would miss him over his mother. Thinking of her made him feel guilty. He was her only friend. He hoped she understood why he had to leave her. Maybe his mom could be friends with her. From what he's heard, everybody loved his mom. He was sure Connie will too.

He stopped walking certain he was now deep enough not to reach the surface before he drowned. His legs were shaking and his hands were sweating. He couldn't chicken out now. He had to brave. He had to be brave like his mother.

With one fell swoop, he did away with his bubble.

His body was crushed by the force of the water rushing into the previous airtight space. He forgot to account for the increased water pressure. The pain was much worse than he expected it to be.

He couldn't do this. This hurt too much. He swam as quick as he could to the surface. Even if the pain from the deep sea pressure hadn't been inhibiting his ability to swim, he wasn't going to make it. He had foolishly ensured he couldn't. Still, his survival instinct propelled him to continue his futile mission to get air.

His vision was blacking out. He floated down since his cramped muscles no longer allowed him to swim. He was dying, and it hurt so bad. He was scared. He was so scared.

He saw something swimming towards him. The lack of oxygen must have been making him hallucinate because the last image he saw was a purple submarine coming towards him.

Pain greeted Steven with the force of a semi. Every part of his body below his head was submerged in water. For a moment, he thought he had made it to the ocean's surface until he realized he was sitting on a porcelain surface. He was in his bathtub, but his clothes were still on. He was confused. Before he could piece anything together, he heard voices.

 _"Is it working, Garnet?"_

 _"I don't know, Pearl."_

 _"Rose's tears always work. It has to work."_

 _"Quiet, Amethyst. Steven?"_

"Garnet…" Steven managed to croak out. Just saying her name robbed him of so much energy. Despite this, he tried to speak again until he felt a finger pressed to his lips.

"Shh, rest now, Steven. Your mother's tears will heal you." Garnet's voice soothed him.

Steven remembered they took some of his mother's tears from her fountain in case of emergencies. He felt Garnet's hand touch his face before quickly falling back asleep.

Steven woke up in his bed instead of the bathtub this time. His body was still a little sore but nowhere near as agonizing as before. He blinked his eyes open to see red, white, and purple blurs above him. The blurs became clearer to reveal Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. They were all crying. Nothing like the happy faces he pictured when he was gone.

"Welcome back, Steven," Amethyst smiled for the first time since she dived into the ocean to retrieve Steven. Even once she got him out he struggled to breathe and was barely conscious. She thought she had been too late and he was going to die anyway.

"Oh, Steven." Pearl had gone to watch Steven sleep as she often did and was alarmed to find him gone and informed Amethyst and Garnet.

"Why, Steven?" Even seeing possibility in her future vision, Garnet could never imagine Steven doing something like this. But when Pearl told her Steven was missing, Garnet led them to the ocean and Amethyst shapeshifted into a submarine and rescued him.

"I wanted to bring Mom back. I thought you'd be happier with her."

"We don't want your mother back." Pearl surprised everyone, including herself, with this statement. "Not at the cost of your life."

"We miss your mom, Steven, but we would miss you too if we lost you." Amethyst hasn't cried this hard since her fight with Pearl at the Kindergarten. The thought of losing Steven hurt more than anything Pearl said that day.

"But Mom was so strong, and I'm so weak."

"Steven, we didn't love your mother because of all strong she was. We loved because she was kind, compassionate, and loyal. The same reasons we love you. We'd be lost without you." Garnet wiped a tear that fell down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, you guys." The last thing Steven wanted to do was hurt them.

"It's alright, Steven. You were trying to put others before you. Just like Rose would." Pearl said fondly.

"Rose gave us so much. She gave us the best gift we could have ever asked for: you." Garnet smiled.

"Thanks, guys," said Steven.

"Thank you for being in our lives." Pearl kissed his forehead.

"And you better stay in our lives for a really long time," Amethyst said in a playful, yet somehow also threatening tone.

"I will. I promise."

"Good because if you ever try to leave us again," Garnet said in her usual stoic tone. "I'll kill you myself."


End file.
